Beelin Sayadaw enters my thoughts during those late hours when discipline feels isolated, plain, and far less "sacred" than the internet portrays it. The reason Beelin Sayadaw surfaces in my mind tonight is unclear; perhaps it is because my surroundings feel so stark. There is no creative spark or spiritual joy—only a blunt, persistent awareness that I must continue to sit. The silence in the room is somewhat uneasy, as if the space itself is in a state of anticipation. I'm resting against the wall in a posture that is neither ideal nor disastrous; it exists in that intermediate space that defines my current state.
Discipline Without the Fireworks
Discussions on Burmese Theravāda typically focus on the intensity of effort or the technical stages of insight—concepts that sound very precise and significant. However, the version of Beelin Sayadaw I know from anecdotes and scattered records seems much more understated. Less about fireworks, more about showing up and not messing around. Discipline without drama. Which honestly feels harder.
The hour is late—1:47 a.m. according to the clock—and I continue to glance at it despite its irrelevance. My thoughts are agitated but not chaotic; they resemble a bored dog pacing a room, restless yet remaining close. I realize my shoulders have tensed up; I lower them, only for them to rise again within a few breaths. It is a predictable cycle. I feel the usual pain in my lower back, the one that arrives the moment the practice ceases to feel like a choice and starts to feel like work.
The Silence of Real Commitment
I imagine Beelin Sayadaw as a teacher who would be entirely indifferent to my mental excuses. Not in a cold way. Just… not interested. The work is the work. The posture is the posture. The rules are the rules. Either engage with them or don’t. The only requirement is to be honest with yourself, a perspective that slices through my internal clutter. I exert so much effort trying to bargain with my mind, seeking to justify my own laziness or lack of focus. Discipline is not a negotiator; it simply waits for you to return.
I chose not to sit earlier, convincing myself I was too tired, which wasn't a lie. I also claimed it was inconsequential, which might be true, though not in the way I intended. That tiny piece of dishonesty hung over my evening, not like a heavy weight, but like a faint, annoying buzz. Thinking of Beelin Sayadaw brings that static into focus. Not to judge it. Just to see it clearly.
Finding Firmness in the Middle of Numbness
There’s something deeply unsexy about discipline. No insights to post about. No emotional release. It is nothing but a cycle of routine and the endless repetition of basic tasks. Sit. Walk. Note. Keep the rules. Sleep. Wake up. Do it again. I can picture Beelin Sayadaw inhabiting that rhythm, not as an abstract concept, but as his everyday existence. Years, then decades of it. Such unyielding consistency is somewhat intimidating.
My foot’s tingling now. Pins and needles. I let it be. The ego wants to describe the sensation, to tell a story. I allow the thoughts get more info to arise without interference. I just don’t follow it very far. That feels close to what this tradition is pointing at. Not force. Not indulgence. Just firmness.
Tiny Corrections: How Discipline Actually Works
I become aware that my breath has been shallow; the tension in my chest releases the moment I perceive it. It isn't a significant event, just a small shift. I believe that's the true nature of discipline. Not dramatic corrections. Tiny ones, repeated until they stick.
Thinking of Beelin Sayadaw doesn’t make me feel inspired. It makes me feel sober. Grounded. Slightly exposed. Like excuses don’t hold much weight here. And strangely, that is a source of comfort—the relief of not needing to perform a "spiritual" role, in simply doing the work in a quiet, flawed manner, without anticipation of a spectacular outcome.
The night keeps going. The body keeps sitting. The mind keeps wandering and coming back. It isn't flashy or particularly profound; it's just this unadorned, steady effort. And maybe that is the entire point of the path.